Your Subscription to Punishment… Is Now Cancelled!
Cancelling your Subscription to Punishment is easier than you think!
When we think of punishment, we may associate it with something we did wrong or as a consequence of
“being bad” in someway when we were young. As a result, we learned something valuable was taken away from us such as our favorite game, the ability to go see a friend, watch our favorite program or be
docked our allowance. Sometimes the punishment was being sent to your room for an undetermined
amount of time to think about what you had done wrong. For some, punishment may have been delivered through verbal acts of aggression such as sarcastic and belittling comments, yelling or even
cursing. The average parent, while doing their best, does not realize that trust is now broken while basic
needs are being withheld using these methods.
This does not sound like a nurturing or positive environment that we could expect any child to thrive in. Yet for many, the reality is that some version of punishment was in our upbringing and we may be carrying it through to our adult lives without even being consciously aware of it’s outcome. The results of carrying punishment energy shows up in many ways throughout our life and we often become immune to it’s heavy burden on us. What if we are modeling
these same techniques to our children?
Learning how to cancel your subscription to punishment is easier than you think and you can start today with awareness, self love and an open heart. We can consciously create new communication models with our children that are free of judgments about ourselves and our children’s behaviors.
Parents often feel unclear about the difference between how to teach healthy consequences and personal responsibility. Even the word punishment has a
vibrational frequency that carries subconscious programming that you are wrong, and if you do the same behavior again, you will be conditioned to receive punishment yet again. Therefore, an environment is created in fear.
Religious teachings can also add to the need to be “punished for our sins” and that through punishment, this will help us become more obedient. Many parents
unconsciously carry forward what they saw modeled while they were growing up and rationalize their current choices as doing the best that they can. Being sent to your room without dinner does not make it ok to continue an antiquated pattern of discipline for any child, especially highly sensitive children.
If we are not consciously awake, we can quickly have a collective of parents, school teachers, care givers, supervisors, managers, executives and leadership that misuse punishment and withholding measures instead of teaching self responsibility.
Let’s take a quick look at some wikipedia definitions to help frame our perspective.
Consequences: the result or effect of an action or condition.
Goal or Result: To teach in a way that leads to making a more positive choice the next time.
Self Responsibility: being able to own your own emotional conflicts without blame or
projection upon another person by making it their fault, accountable for something within
ones power or management
Goal or Result: mastery of self esteem, self efficiency and problem solving
Punishment: the infliction of a penalty as retribution for an offense.
Synonyms for punishment: penalty, discipline, retribution, penance, sentence, vengeance,
Goal or Result: To cause suffering for something done wrong, perceived or real I think we could all agree that punishing techniques lead us to a dead end road very quickly. It stifles healthy communication and leads children to seek reparation. Parents can unknowingly contribute to erode a child’s self esteem and potentially create long lasting psychological issues, including anxiety and depression. Over time, the nervous system
becomes weakened and other related illnesses can develop.
When parents withhold their time, attention and love, this teaches a child that they are separate from the parent and from receiving love. A child will begin to associate punishment with the fact that they are unlovable, too much or not enough. A child can grow up feeling isolated, confused and begin to live in fear that the parent will continue to take away these vital necessities, which are just as important as the oxygen they breathe.
What we really want to cultivate is a change in paradigm, for our child, for ourselves and for our relationship with our child. We want to recognize and change our languaging and allow parents to see a new way of living. We want to create an environment of compassion with the absence of judgments for the child and the child’s behaviors.
What if we shifted from a model of having our children pay for their mistakes to opening up a conversation so we can teach self-responsibility and the benefits of making different choices? We could support helping children feel loved and worthy while building their integrity. We can support our children to become productive and collaborative adults and in this way, we also support our own self improvement.
Outside of the home we begin to see how punishment shows up in school when a child is determined hyper active or out of control and sentenced to detention. Perhaps the child simply needs more exercise, some nutritious food, a friend and a hug. The punishment of separation continues, judgment grows, and a child feels less than worthy of being smart and even sees proof of being un-worthy.
Let’s take it one step further and with time, we are wearing this punishment with our relationships and withholding affection and attention back from the ones we love because they hurt us in some way. Subconsciously we want to punish them for abandoning our feelings or hurting us We may model forms of punishment to our colleagues and our employees by publicly humiliating them for being late again or for making the same mistake twice in one month. You are again, not good enough and forever living in a harsh world of judgment and fear of the ultimate punishment that
something will be taken away from you.
Our thoughts and feelings are always constructing the patterns of our reality, whether it be perceived or real.
What if we could cultivate an environment of teaching around mistakes? What if there is more than 1 way to see and perceive a situation and not just 1 correct answer?
What if we could highlight our children’s mistakes as opportunities to connect deeply with them and take the time to understand their emotions and what may be triggering their behavior? What would it cost parents to learn a new way of connecting with their child in order to elevate their self -esteem by spending time with them and not taking it away from them?
As we become aware there is a difference between punishment and teaching self- responsibility, we begin to learn new and improved skills. We can learn forgiveness of self and see the world and our children’s mistakes through the eyes of compassion.Just as we upgrade to the next generation of ipone, let’s consider upgrading our thoughts and beliefs around punishment and immediately cancel our subscription to this outdated model of parenting. What would it cost you to master new skills through love and compassion with the result being a way to connect more deeply with your child?
It simply takes your commitment to be open to a new way of communicating and collaborating with your child. It’s free and available to everyone.
So I invite you to cancel your subscription to Punishment today!
Written by Margrete Chadwick with Live-Extraordinary
Margrete is regarded as a change maker who inspires her colleagues, teams and even her clients to become the best versions of themselves. Her passion and life’s purpose is to cultivate and teach Compassionate Leadership, Corporate Consciousness and Evolutionary Sales Methods to organizations around the world.
Having a BA in International Business, Margrete speaks English, Spanish, and German. Born, raised and living in California, Margrete has also lived and worked in Spain and Italy. She serves as a panel speaker, career developer and mentor to Veterans & Incarcerated women who are re-entering the workforce. Her passion is to help empower these brave individuals who are in the process of releasing limiting belief systems that no longer serve them by elevating their thinking patterns so they may transition smoothly into a new chapter of their lives.